All I Want for You Is a Hand you can Hold

dear Ollie,

I’ve seen things I hope
you never, ever get to see
there are people I hope
your mirror will never be
there are stories about me
I hope you never, ever read
I’ve flirted with angels
just to pluck every feather
from their wings
I gave up fighting some demons
so we could go to the bar
to buy each other drinks

I didn’t just watch the sunset
in your mother’s eyes
I swallowed every star in sight
there used to be a little boy
reflecting inside me
now I just see an old stranger
I ran out of journals and pens
so now I prick my finger
to bleed “shouldnt-have-dones”
sticky note graffiti murals
on the back alley walls of my mind

those constellations burn
the lining of my stomach
every morning
I recognize a face peeking
from behind my backyard tree
every night
I peel layers of regret
only to papercut a memory
I need to bleed out again

there’s an inferno
inside my bones
that swallows
the light
&
I’m trying so hard for you
so I can make all of this right

do not be afraid
your fears will twist
you into something like me
something halfway between
a drunk demon
&
an angel without wings
fears are masters
in ballroom dance
&
seductive coverings
they will have you spinning
before you hear music playing
&
if you let them
they will always take the lead

I’m afraid of many things
most of all
I’m afraid of me

son,
I am trying for you
I pick petals from the ocean
stitch them together
with sunlight and clouds
to make every broken spirit
I find into something unique
remind them how to flap
a different set of wings
I quit drinking with demons
I’m not a fighter but I threw
a brick through the windshield
of some trying to fight me
so they drove away
they keep showing up
I keep throwing bricks

son,
I’m far from perfect
I only wish you to see
that there’s a little boy
in me somewhere

and he’s trying

love,
dad

About the Author

Bryan Grissom graduated from Hardin-Simmons University with a degree in English Literature. His personal blog, Somewhere In-Between, and art submissions blog, Broken Souls Uploads are hosted on Tumblr. He is currently working on his first book of poetry. A strong advocate for family and mental health issues, he hopes to change perspectives through raw and direct verse.

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